knickersoaker.

So, I know we’ve already featured Mr. Shia Lebouf, but I never really gave him a second thought…until I read a rave review of his performance (in bed) over at Tales From A Groupie: Shia Labeouf.

Even if you never really thought he was all that, just try and read this without soaking your knickers, I dare you.

Now there’s the beef.

-theslyestfox

Dave Eggers

If you don’t know who Dave Eggers is then you probably don’t think he’s sexy. But if you do, then you know. 

Hey boys,

This is pretty good hair. I’m just saying. If you are looking to impress me with some hairs, that is. This is also acceptable, and so is this.

Sincerely, Mandy

WOAH. Woah. Christ those boys are cute. Ohhh my god, are they looking at me? They’re looking at me, aren’t they? Holyshitohmygod, be cool, be cool…breathe. OK. Look preoccupied….play coy…maybe venture a little smile? Are they still…yeah they’re still looking over here. Oh god what if they talk to me? Should I say something? Oh jesus the one on the right could just… gesture in my general area and I’d drop my soaked knickers happily. Wait… what are they saying!? What if they’re looking at me because something is wrong with me? Oh god, is it because my skirt is tucked into my tights or something? Is there toilet paper stuck to my shoe?

Seriously losing my shit over these boys here, christ.

-theslyestfox

(via peepingtomfoolery)

Question: What do you think the odds are that Zach Efron even knows how to skateboard?

Better question: Do we even care?

There are a few boys who are so disgustingly attractive and famous and who have so many millions of female admirers that I am actually ashamed by my love for them. Zach Efron would be #1 in this category, but he’s beat out by Robert Pattinson, only because he is the star of the teen atrocity, Twilight (but oh god, have you ever heard him speak with his actual, British accent? It soaked my knickers through in about 3 seconds the other night on the VMAs).

-theslyestfox

(via peepingtomfoolery)

So I don’t know about you but I’ve always had this secret sexual fantasy that involves going to the studio of an adorable, genius painter, and having him paint on my naked body. Can you imagine? He starts by running brushes up your thighs and soon you’re so consumed with passion that you’re both completely covered in paint, rolling around on a giant canvass on the floor making art with your bodies, literally and figuratively. Afterward you can even hang the finished product up in your apartment.

Now that’s what I call “Abstract Sexpressionism” - Jackson Pollock, eat your heart out.

-theslyestfox

(via fuckyeahindieboys)

HOOOOoooooshit. Well if it isn’t little Dan Humphrey all James-Deaned up. Goodbye bumbling pansy, HELLO CHEEKBONES (more like “hollow cheekbones”, m’iright?).

Okaybutseriouslythough, Penn Badgley. We dig that your character is like a sensitive writer-type and all that but good god, can you please find some more excuses (like “It’s wednesday”) to look like this? It would really go a long way to putting the “hump” in “Humphrey”.

love,

-theslyestfox, on behalf of all girls.

(OP:damndamnfine/via)

Suilad, Mr. Frodo, you sure do clean up nice. I’d let you simply waltz into my “Mordor” any time you want, and if you like it you don’t even have to throw a ring in it.

-theslyestfox

(OP:angelinaadoptme/RB:damndamnfine)

Oh, thank you god for taking Harry Potter and aging him just enough that I don’t feel like a total pedophile for wanting to bang him. And marry him and have his babies, five hundred of ‘em. BABIES EVERYWHERE!!! Also, the addition of green eyes was a stroke of genius.

gratefully,

-theslyestfox

damndamnfine: Matt Dallas.

Knickersoaker Presents The Makeout Guide: The dip.

“I put my hand upon your hip. When I dip, you dip, we dip.”

-Freak Nasty “Da Dip”

The dip is an advanced makeout move, only to be attempted by classy men. If you are inexperienced, or not suave enough failed dip attempts can end in dropping one’s object of desire and, therefore, bruises, concussions, ripped/soiled dresses and the worst fate of all: a woman’s scorn.

If, however, you manage to pull one off and your dip is successful, pleasant side effects include (but are not limited to): swooning, throes of passion, soaked knickers and blowjobs.

-theslyestfox

mandyjanerose: Ann Blyth & Zachary Scott in Mildred Pierce (via oldhollywood)